Just Off Center

I admit that I'm a bit perverted, but I've always enjoyed watching humans prove that our time on this planet is dwindling. I love hearing about people feeding off of the lowest common denominator of human emotions. Just knowing that terrorists, mercenaries, pimps, and my father inhabit this world gives me a sense of peace and tranquility

So my feelings are easily imagined when I stumbled upon a website that sells bi-monthly subscriptions to the long-distance relationships of college aged girls. Imaginary Girlfriends is a website where lonely, undatable and closeted gay men can converge to shop for a temporary girlfriend who will provide proof of their love and fidelity in the form of scented, hand-written love letters in that big, curvy girl handwriting, answering machine messages, and even maybe a pair of lace panties. You tell her what you want and when, and they give you everything you need to prove that you are a bonafide stud. And all for about $50 for two months.

I read about things like this and can't help feeling that another market based in deceit and misdirection has been recognized and tapped. Think what you will about how pathetic the patrons of this service must be, and they are just that. But you can not deny that the demographic exists. There are plenty of men out there who want to get their friends off of their backs for not being able to get a girlfriend. Of course the perpetrators of this torment are probably subscribers too. And wouldn't it be perfect if two buddies picked the same "girlfriend"? There are also plenty of gay men out there who want to stave off their parents' suspicions by purchasing the services of these relationship tramps.

Being a man who tries to see the uses I personally have for anything in the world I immediately thought of a great idea. If these women will proclaim their customized love and lust to any man for under $25 per month, perhaps I can use this to my advantage. There are a couple of guys out there I know who have earned my contempt and ill will in this world. I could exact a sinister and terrible revenge by simply having some sexpot send lotiony sex laced love letters to these chumps for their wives to find. In fact, I could make it all the more believable if I simply had them all sent to a P.O. Box, put it all in a manilla envelope and stowed the whole package somewhere his wife would "happen" upon it.

Can you even imagine the look on his face when she shoves the envelope at him? Most guilty cheaters would instinctively disavow any knowledge of how that stuff got there. And women know this. Oh the irony when he actually has no idea and acts the same as those who actually do get caught cheating. Most men could talik their way out of this I think. She'd always suspect, but nothing could ever be proved either way. This might be a little to evil for even me.

And what about starting out a site called www.imaginaryboyfriends.com? It would never work. Even desparate women won't pay for simulated romance. Why not just start up a business called www.imaginaryfuckbuddieswhogiveyouthatlethaldoseofsleepingpills.com? This stuff just gives me warm fuzzies all over. Maybe I can convice Nina to be someone's imaginary girlfriend. Hell I'll even dictate the letters. I've stayed married to Nina this long, how hard can it be to keep a long-distance boyfriend?