Just Off Center

As I get older (28) I notice that I am becoming less tolerant of the bullshit that comes with certain relationships. When I was younger, I would be willing to listen ad nauseum to people whom I considered friends, but with whom I had nothing in common. In college I hung out with losers and stoners that I didn't even like. But I never understood why good friends were so hard to come by. I suppose in those teen years we're all trying to find out something about ourselves and there's an unspoken understanding that everyone else is trying to learn the same about themselves.

In most of my early twenties I was in the Air Force, so I was limited to a certain kind of friend, namely one who would join the armed forced. This usually meant a lot of dipshit machismo and inter-unit drama. There were, of course, other civilians around, but having a friendship with them was always difficult. Civilians just have trouble relating to active duty men and women.

Now I'm in the business world as well as attending university and being a part of my new community in Queen Creek. And there are basically the same kind of people here that there were in the aforementioned ages. It's just that now they're all grown up and in the same environment I am, regardless of how they got there. But there's a definite difference in how I relate to them. I think that over the years I have had many run-ins with assholes and bitches that have given me an awareness of what I don't like in another person. And as I look around, I am beginning to believe that we all have these things that we look for in a person to help us rule them out as potential friends. It seems to be a defense mechanism we use so that we don't have to go through the ordeal of discovering that a person with whom we have shared our thoughts and feelings are going to end up using them against us. And so I've been thinking of what instant disqualifiers I have so that I can understand what kind of friends I seek. So far this is waht I've come up with:

1. Anyone who practices witchcraft or any other retarded craft like that
2. Anyone who is a "big fan" of either Oprah or Dr. Phil
3. Nascar fanatics
4. People with newborn children
5. Most people my age with children at all (this one cuts a shitload down)
6. College freshmen
7. Devout anythings (Morman, Christian, etc...)
8. Women from Scottsdale (most major cities have a Scottsdale-like suburb)
9. Bill O'Reilly fans
10. Anyone with a "fear this" or "Calving pissing" sticker in their rear window
11. Anybody who says "the answer is 42"

This list shouldn't imply that I am above having a pleasant conversation with any of these people. It exists only as a warning that I believe I will not be able to relate to these people, nor they to me and a relationship should not be attempted. And I think that we all have these lists. What's in yours?