Just Off Center

So last night I’m running around trying desperately to keep all the call reps in line. We were short on managers because one of them decided to help herself to three double shots of tequila and turn her training class for the new hires into a Grease sing along. I’m not kidding. I’m standing next to a rep trying to give her the proper way to offer the kid’s video as an alternate offer when I hear “Mike, get in here, quick!” So I turn and bolt into the training room where this chick proceeds to tell me that they need a Kenickie for Greased Lightning.

After excusing myself as quickly as humanly possible, I moved on to the next dilemma, that being teaching one of the reps how to properly activate the “recline” function on the swivel chair he’s in. Things are getting heated between two reps in a debate over which is the best tasting Poore Brothers’ Potato Chips. I managed to quell that situation, only to get a call to the other end of the room by Anna, the rep on my team who is way too cool to follow Federal regulations.

When I get there she’s holding her headset in her hand and is extending it out to me. I ask her what the problem is and she just shrugs and says I should talk to this guy. Thanks for the briefing, dipshit. So I take the headset and give a calm and pleasant greeting. And there I am ear to ear with the most wretched fuck of all the wretched fucks: Mr. Angry Do-Not-Call-Listie

Me: Hello, this is Mike K_____, how may I help you

Assmunch: Call center code and address.

Me: …Excuse me sir

Assmunch: Tell me your call center code and address

Me: I’m not sure I understand what you mean, sir. No, in fact I’m actually quite certain I don’t understand what you mean.

Assmunch: Are you aware that I’m on the Do Not Call List?

Me: I am now, sir.

Assmunch: So you ADMIT that you are calling me even though you knew I was on the list.

Me: No…I just told you that I wasn’t aware of that…However… (DNC script).

Assmunch: How did you get my number?

Me: We were provided this number by our client, _______.

Assmunch: And did they know I’m on the DNC List?

Me: I’d have no way of knowing that sir.

Assmunch: So then you admit that this is your call center’s fault. I’m planning on filing a claim against all of you!

Me: As is your right to do so sir.

Assmunch: Oh and I’ve been recording this conversation too, so you can’t deny it took place. I have you on tape admitting it was your fault.

Me: Well I’m not sure how you’d come to that conclusion. This was clearly a problem with the DNC List itself, not our doing.

Assmunch: Sure tell that to the Attorney General. *click*

Damn, I guess I just got served! It’s pricks like this who make me happy to bother people during the dinner hour. What kind of an arrogant fuck has a goddamned recording device hooked up to their phone just in case they get a telemarketer calling them. And this wasn’t even one of the examples of us breaking the rules. The shithead was a fucking customer of our client. We can call him all we want, DNC List or no DNC List. Haha, bitch!

The night shift has been referred to as “The Zoo” on many occasions by the day shift. This is because the day shift is full of sedate losers who can’t stand having fun on the job. They’re fist shakers. You know, the kind of people who look out their front window and shake their fists at the cars with loud music or the kids who cut across their lawns. So many of the people on the night shift have this as a second job, or are just trying to support themselves through school. The people on the day shift? That’s their main source of income. That means they’re losers, and I win. Yay.

# posted by Mike @ 6:59 AM