Just Off Center

I have to admit that I’m addicted to my statcounter. I just love seeing who’s stopping by and where they’re from. Apparently I have a lot of lurking readers from all over the country (and Canada too! What up!) who simply never comment. Well a few moments ago I was clicking my recent pageload activity link and I realized I hadn’t checked my keyword searches in a coon’s age. I just had to leave a few comments here as to the glory of my googular hits.

NAILING VIRGINS – I thought I’d made myself clearly understood that I would never nail another virgin. I can only hope that the guy who found me through this search was pondering the potential disasters to knocking the dust off some untapped poontang. In sort, brother, just don’t do it. It’s simply not worth it. Not only will she fall in love with you but when you’re on top of her she’s gonna try to start moving her hips in some weird asymmetrical way that she thinks will get you hyped but will end up making you think “This bitch is a fucking retarded. How’m I gonna cum now?”

SPIT SWALLOW DODGE FELLATIO – One of these things is not like the other. One of these things just doesn’t belong. One of these things is not like the other. Can you guess which one before I finish my song? What the fuck is the word “dodge” doing in this one? I mean the first two are logical choices for the post-spurt disposal. But dodge? I don’t know who this girl is sucking off, but I’ve never fired off so hard that the chick had to do some Matrix style maneuvering to get out of the way. Damn, that’s a pretty funny visual actually.

JAW CAN LOCK UP – Indeed it can. Indeed it can.

SYMPATHY PUSSY – I love the very concept behind this. I can just see some girl feeling bad for a guy who’s all mopey and sad for whatever reason. And then she gives him that concerned but accepting look. And I can just hear her thoughts. “I know what would cheer him up. Maybe I’ll consent to intercourse with him. That’s always worked for my friends in the past.” In one hand you’ve got the theory that a chick isn’t going to just fuck a guy unless she wants to. And in the other, you’ve got the realization that pussy is a pretty decent way to get results. Not that I’ve ever gotten sympathy pussy. I’ve always had that shit in the bag from the word “go”. And you know this!

FREE MOVIES OF MEN JACKING OFF, JERKING OFF, EJACULATING – Free? Are you fucking kidding me? Shit, I’ll pay you to watch. An artist has to be liberal with his trade at first you know. I especially love how both jacking and jerking were both added to maximize the hits. I guess I must write about beating off a lot to get a hit on this.

VIRGINS GET FUCKED – This one again huh? Don’t fuck virgins people, it’s as simple as that!

BIGGER THAN MY HUSBAND’S – Okay, now fess up, which one of you was this? Never mind. I don’t really want to know. I’ll just assume it was… everyone.

# posted by Mike @ 12:23 PM