Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Training Daze
Bloody hell!
I can't believe what a fucking drain on my blogging life this past week has been. To say nothing (except this sentence) of the fact that I've been busier than a one armed man at a Whack-a-mole competition with my two jobs, I've been saddled with a fresh and new trainee to replace me. Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm switching sites beginning next week, which will keep me pretty busy for ninety days, so I may have even less time to blog. Pity.
Oooohh...Bon Jovi's "Never Say Goodbye" just came on. I feel like going to a school dance and not getting any girls to dance with me, then going home and jerking off to Lita Ford.
"...you lost more than that in my backseat, baby." God, remember backseats? I was never any good at backseat fucking. But damn it if I didn't give it the old college try... and the old high school premature ejaculation.
Anyway. So this is my second attempt at training a new guy in my job. The first time I trained a replacement I had him for just under two weeks. He was smart and capable, but didn't quite grasp the concept that this job can't be fully trained for. No two days are the same. As a support organization my day is built around the needs of others. So after I trained him and left for my new site he nearly fell flat on his face and started complaining to anyone who would listen that he was never properly trained for the intricacies of the job. Then at the next Christmas party when I met his wife, she got all snide with me, like "oh, YOU'RE Mike." Yes, that's right I'm Mike, the guy who got hired on at $7K more per annum than your husband. Eat it.
"With a six-pack and a radio
We didn't need noplace to go"
That hasn't really changed much I think.
But now this time I have only one week to break this lad's spirits and build him into my image and likeness. Oh what a feeling of power. I feel like Jafar right after his third wish... and just before the gold bracelets. So I've had this guy shadowing me all day, every day now. When I'm in my office, he's in my office. Motherfucker, could you give me a little privacy here? I'm trying to draft up a sexy little note to my woman. Fine I'll delete it and tell you how to use our database. Fucking crybaby.
The truth is that he's also smart and capable. But he's also so damned new that I feel like some Army sergeant in 'Nam watching the fresh meat show up. He's all clean and pressed and he's so polite and full of courtesies. It's Wednesday and I've just gotten him to say "fuck". The boy's coming along. Still, the poor guy just happened to show up on a week when every single one of my engineers and technicians is PMSing and needing every fucking thing in the equipment inventory. He must feel like life is about to get damn hard. He'll learn.
Who the fuck changed the radio over to country?!!? What the fuck is this shit? God damnit, is this "White Trash Woman" song still the fucking number one hit? How the hell is it still so popular? Who's responsible for not assissinating this fucktard? I mean the bitch just keeps wailing out this anthem of being white trash. Come on people. I jump over to the local Hip Hop station on occasion. I've never heard a black man rapping some shit like "Damn, it feels good to be a porch monkey." We're just hurting ourselves here, people. Country music should be abolished. And then we nuke the south. Especially Texas. Sorry to all my Texan readers... I know you understand.
So I'm sitting here at my desk and sending the new guy on every errend I can think of in the name of training. Things are getting better. See you on Half-nekkid Thursday.
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I can't believe what a fucking drain on my blogging life this past week has been. To say nothing (except this sentence) of the fact that I've been busier than a one armed man at a Whack-a-mole competition with my two jobs, I've been saddled with a fresh and new trainee to replace me. Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm switching sites beginning next week, which will keep me pretty busy for ninety days, so I may have even less time to blog. Pity.
Oooohh...Bon Jovi's "Never Say Goodbye" just came on. I feel like going to a school dance and not getting any girls to dance with me, then going home and jerking off to Lita Ford.
"...you lost more than that in my backseat, baby." God, remember backseats? I was never any good at backseat fucking. But damn it if I didn't give it the old college try... and the old high school premature ejaculation.
Anyway. So this is my second attempt at training a new guy in my job. The first time I trained a replacement I had him for just under two weeks. He was smart and capable, but didn't quite grasp the concept that this job can't be fully trained for. No two days are the same. As a support organization my day is built around the needs of others. So after I trained him and left for my new site he nearly fell flat on his face and started complaining to anyone who would listen that he was never properly trained for the intricacies of the job. Then at the next Christmas party when I met his wife, she got all snide with me, like "oh, YOU'RE Mike." Yes, that's right I'm Mike, the guy who got hired on at $7K more per annum than your husband. Eat it.
"With a six-pack and a radio
We didn't need noplace to go"
That hasn't really changed much I think.
But now this time I have only one week to break this lad's spirits and build him into my image and likeness. Oh what a feeling of power. I feel like Jafar right after his third wish... and just before the gold bracelets. So I've had this guy shadowing me all day, every day now. When I'm in my office, he's in my office. Motherfucker, could you give me a little privacy here? I'm trying to draft up a sexy little note to my woman. Fine I'll delete it and tell you how to use our database. Fucking crybaby.
The truth is that he's also smart and capable. But he's also so damned new that I feel like some Army sergeant in 'Nam watching the fresh meat show up. He's all clean and pressed and he's so polite and full of courtesies. It's Wednesday and I've just gotten him to say "fuck". The boy's coming along. Still, the poor guy just happened to show up on a week when every single one of my engineers and technicians is PMSing and needing every fucking thing in the equipment inventory. He must feel like life is about to get damn hard. He'll learn.
Who the fuck changed the radio over to country?!!? What the fuck is this shit? God damnit, is this "White Trash Woman" song still the fucking number one hit? How the hell is it still so popular? Who's responsible for not assissinating this fucktard? I mean the bitch just keeps wailing out this anthem of being white trash. Come on people. I jump over to the local Hip Hop station on occasion. I've never heard a black man rapping some shit like "Damn, it feels good to be a porch monkey." We're just hurting ourselves here, people. Country music should be abolished. And then we nuke the south. Especially Texas. Sorry to all my Texan readers... I know you understand.
So I'm sitting here at my desk and sending the new guy on every errend I can think of in the name of training. Things are getting better. See you on Half-nekkid Thursday.
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