Monday, May 17, 2004
Idle business hours are the estrogen's workshop
Guys, of all the things to emulate of the fairer sex, the drama shouldn't be one of them. Nina called me early this morning at work to tell me that there's already drama going on between her "boyfriends". First, a look at my wife's clique.
Nina is a damn fine pastry chef (my gut will testify) and had previously been employed with a five-star joint called the Phoenecian. Then early last year, she jacked her back up at work but good. Since then she's been on disability as she tries to heal, but that's an entirely different bitter-ass post. And with her living basically as a housewife she's had little outlet for a woman's need to make contact with other humans.
Enter the boys. Our neighbor Scott runs a start-up pesticide business out of his girlfriend's house. He sprays houses every day, but is basically left with the remaining hours to do whatever. Jeff is a man who works at Einstein Brother's Bagles where Nina and Scott eat breakfast most days and typically he joins them. By the way, their jalapeno bagle rocks fucking ass! Stu is another pest control guy who meets Nina, Scott and Jeff at the bagel shop some days too. The stage is set!
This past weekend Stu threw a cookout at his new house and everyone was invited. By the time Nina and I got there Scott and Jeff had already gotten comfortable. Jeff was well on his way to being gloriously smashed. Enough so that later that night he started in with that whole the-world's-against-me-and-everyone's-making-fun-of-me shit. Scott drove him home, problem solved. But no, these men can't follow the code of man to that degree.
Now Nina calls me up to tell me that Jeff is all embarrassed and apologizing to everyone and Scott was this giant dick to him on the phone, threatening his friendship if he does it again. What the fuck?!? Who among us has never been hit by a wave of half-memories of the previous night that we'd like to forget forever? And what's this treatening of friendship crap? you're a man! Friendship is not spoken of, much less threatened to be retracted, and certainly not becuase your buddy made a drunken ass of himself at a party. Shit, that's the kind of thing that strengthens the bonds between men, giving the other friend fodder for jibes for years to come. And this isn't an isolated incident. Every week Nina tells me about these guys involving themselves in some behavior that I'd expect to see out of seventh-grade girls.
Look guys, if you want to be more sensitive, go ahead, chicks dig that stuff. If you think your buddy's got a drinking problem, tell him. But this drama shit has got to stop. It's not pretty and it's best left to the true keepers of emotional instability, aka women. Just look at your pal, grunt, chuck him in the arm and get the fuck over whatever menial infraction he's committed. If you're going to get a yeast infection every time your guy friends act like losers then you're not going to keep your friends long. We don't break up and make up like women. you're a dick, fuck you, I'll find another buddy. That's the way it has been and should be. Otherwise we take yet another step toward an asexual genderless world and I'll be damned if I'm going to let that happen.
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Nina is a damn fine pastry chef (my gut will testify) and had previously been employed with a five-star joint called the Phoenecian. Then early last year, she jacked her back up at work but good. Since then she's been on disability as she tries to heal, but that's an entirely different bitter-ass post. And with her living basically as a housewife she's had little outlet for a woman's need to make contact with other humans.
Enter the boys. Our neighbor Scott runs a start-up pesticide business out of his girlfriend's house. He sprays houses every day, but is basically left with the remaining hours to do whatever. Jeff is a man who works at Einstein Brother's Bagles where Nina and Scott eat breakfast most days and typically he joins them. By the way, their jalapeno bagle rocks fucking ass! Stu is another pest control guy who meets Nina, Scott and Jeff at the bagel shop some days too. The stage is set!
This past weekend Stu threw a cookout at his new house and everyone was invited. By the time Nina and I got there Scott and Jeff had already gotten comfortable. Jeff was well on his way to being gloriously smashed. Enough so that later that night he started in with that whole the-world's-against-me-and-everyone's-making-fun-of-me shit. Scott drove him home, problem solved. But no, these men can't follow the code of man to that degree.
Now Nina calls me up to tell me that Jeff is all embarrassed and apologizing to everyone and Scott was this giant dick to him on the phone, threatening his friendship if he does it again. What the fuck?!? Who among us has never been hit by a wave of half-memories of the previous night that we'd like to forget forever? And what's this treatening of friendship crap? you're a man! Friendship is not spoken of, much less threatened to be retracted, and certainly not becuase your buddy made a drunken ass of himself at a party. Shit, that's the kind of thing that strengthens the bonds between men, giving the other friend fodder for jibes for years to come. And this isn't an isolated incident. Every week Nina tells me about these guys involving themselves in some behavior that I'd expect to see out of seventh-grade girls.
Look guys, if you want to be more sensitive, go ahead, chicks dig that stuff. If you think your buddy's got a drinking problem, tell him. But this drama shit has got to stop. It's not pretty and it's best left to the true keepers of emotional instability, aka women. Just look at your pal, grunt, chuck him in the arm and get the fuck over whatever menial infraction he's committed. If you're going to get a yeast infection every time your guy friends act like losers then you're not going to keep your friends long. We don't break up and make up like women. you're a dick, fuck you, I'll find another buddy. That's the way it has been and should be. Otherwise we take yet another step toward an asexual genderless world and I'll be damned if I'm going to let that happen.
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