Wednesday, August 18, 2004
It's an oral debate
After some make up sex that Nina and I had a couple weeks ago the subject came up of which was harder to perform: fellatio or cunnilingus. I imagine that the response to that first sentence by any reader is one of immediate resolution. "Oh that's easy. It's much harder to perform (insert whatever sexual task you perform)." Nina's was no different. But I reminded her of the varying physical requirements of a man when going down on a woman. I also pointed out the time that I refused to stop when she was blasting off and she started slamming me in the back of the head repeatedly with her pillow. it didn't hurt really but that first thump shoved my head further down and I was trying to breathe in, so I caught a mouthful of orgasming coochie in mid-inhale.
So it seems that upon further contemplation that the two should be rated in terms of difficulty to determine who is doing the most work. For comparison's sake, I'll go off of the assumption that both tasks are done adequately and for a nominal amount of time. All factors will be given a rating between 1 and 10, 10 being the most difficult.
POSITIONING: A good blowjob requires several physical factors. The giver must first be in a position to give the head. I'll assume that this is the standard kneeling position with the man standing in front of her. If a woman wants to get more flexible by trying different positions, then she shouldn't be complaining about this part. So the knees can get sore from the kneeling, and depending on height ratios she might have to compensate some other way. But women have the ability to sit and kneel in positions that men cannot for long periods of time. I'm giving the positioning a difficulty of 2.
BREATHING: Breathing can be accomplished through the nose or through the mouth either after the upstroke or by momentarily stopping with the penis still in the mouth. Breath must be held for the majority of the blowjob, making long blowjobs a breeding ground for hyperventilation. Breathing gets a difficulty of 7.
MANDIBULAR MANEUVERING: This is the tough part. Here the giver must open wide enough to take the whole girth of the penis. She must prevent the teeth from scraping or biting. She has to avoid the gag reflex when taking the full length. And she must give some amount of suction when appropriate. Skill can come only with real-world practice here. This gets a 9.
INTERMISSIONS: Men don't like a lot of variation in sensations as they get closer to coming. But when a blowjob is taking its toll on the giver most men would agree that it is acceptable for her to remove the penis for a moment to relax the jaw and catch a breath, but only if continued stimulation is applied. The preferred method is always the standard handjob. But for some men even this will cause a break in the sensation or concentration, thus delaying the orgasm. I rate this a 6.
REPUGNANCE: If a man's junk smells like his ass, chances are a woman can easily get him to clean up if a blowjob is on the line. And I'm going to go off of the assumption that most women are not repulsed by the sight of a dick. So the grossest part falls back to the obvious; come. Spit, swallow or facial is a decision that any civilized man leaves up to the woman. But most women will usually try to do what they know their man enjoys the most. However, that doesn't make the experience any less unappealing. Repugnance gets an 8.
TOTAL SCORE FOR FELLATIO - 32/50
So it seems that upon further contemplation that the two should be rated in terms of difficulty to determine who is doing the most work. For comparison's sake, I'll go off of the assumption that both tasks are done adequately and for a nominal amount of time. All factors will be given a rating between 1 and 10, 10 being the most difficult.
FELLATIO
POSITIONING: A good blowjob requires several physical factors. The giver must first be in a position to give the head. I'll assume that this is the standard kneeling position with the man standing in front of her. If a woman wants to get more flexible by trying different positions, then she shouldn't be complaining about this part. So the knees can get sore from the kneeling, and depending on height ratios she might have to compensate some other way. But women have the ability to sit and kneel in positions that men cannot for long periods of time. I'm giving the positioning a difficulty of 2.
BREATHING: Breathing can be accomplished through the nose or through the mouth either after the upstroke or by momentarily stopping with the penis still in the mouth. Breath must be held for the majority of the blowjob, making long blowjobs a breeding ground for hyperventilation. Breathing gets a difficulty of 7.
MANDIBULAR MANEUVERING: This is the tough part. Here the giver must open wide enough to take the whole girth of the penis. She must prevent the teeth from scraping or biting. She has to avoid the gag reflex when taking the full length. And she must give some amount of suction when appropriate. Skill can come only with real-world practice here. This gets a 9.
INTERMISSIONS: Men don't like a lot of variation in sensations as they get closer to coming. But when a blowjob is taking its toll on the giver most men would agree that it is acceptable for her to remove the penis for a moment to relax the jaw and catch a breath, but only if continued stimulation is applied. The preferred method is always the standard handjob. But for some men even this will cause a break in the sensation or concentration, thus delaying the orgasm. I rate this a 6.
REPUGNANCE: If a man's junk smells like his ass, chances are a woman can easily get him to clean up if a blowjob is on the line. And I'm going to go off of the assumption that most women are not repulsed by the sight of a dick. So the grossest part falls back to the obvious; come. Spit, swallow or facial is a decision that any civilized man leaves up to the woman. But most women will usually try to do what they know their man enjoys the most. However, that doesn't make the experience any less unappealing. Repugnance gets an 8.
TOTAL SCORE FOR FELLATIO - 32/50
CUNNILINGUS
POSITIONING: The average woman will be on her back with her legs bent, knees apart when getting eaten out. This puts the man laying down between her legs with his head at a 45-degree angle pointed down at her pubic bone. The neck can tend to cramp in this position, but it is otherwise a relatively comfortable position. Positioning gets a 3.
BREATHING: In the early half of cunnilingus, breathing is relatively easy. The tongue is not involved in such strenuous activity that he can't inhale, and exhaling is almost always easy. It even helps to heat up the girl. However, as she gets closer to orgasm the task of taking air is more difficult. Women do not want a change in pace, much like men, as they get close, so the man has to take a gulp and hold it as long as possible. Breathing gets a score of 6.
MANDIBULAR MANEUVERING: Men know how hard it is to give a blowjob. We know this because women are always complaining about it. But women are typically less aware of the physical demands of eating a girl out. And the strange part is that most of the difficulty comes from the involuntary writhing of the woman. But regardless, the man must rise up to match her hip bucks, constantly have th etongue fully extended and wiggle it the way she likes it, adjust his head position to match her twisting, and take the vice-like grip of her thighs. If a woman spends too much time in the "almost there" level, the jaw can lock up entirely and his neck can suffer a strain similar to being rear-ended. But with respect to what women go through for us I give this difficulty an 8.
INTERMISSIONS: As with breathing, a man can move around the general area some to tease and arouse in the beginning. But once the time to stop playing comes, and most women aren't shy about letting you know when that is, the man must focus all attention on her clit for the duration of the act. Some women like penetration, others don't. But all will lose the feeling if the clit does not receive constant stimulation. And changing over to rubbing her clit with his fingers isn't even close to the same thing. Intermission difficulty gets an 8 as well.
REPUGNANCE: Most men know that once they're done going down on a girl they'll get to fuck her. With an incentive like that, I don't know many men who will refuse to eat out a girl, even if things aren't so fresh down there. And if you ever tell a woman she smells like anything but fresh cut roses, she'll be letting you mount her for purposes of reproduction only from then on. However, most women will agree that there are some fucking tore up looking vaginas out there. And when they smell, they reek like a corpse on midsummer's eve. Vaginal secretions never really bother any guys I know, so that's not an issue. So with the average vagina with the average scent and the average juice, the gross-out factor goes to 5.
TOTAL SCORE FOR FELLATIO - 30/50
Well, ladies, it looks like you take the crown this time, but only by a very slim margin. Still a victory is a victory. I hope that you have some better understanding and appreciation for what we go through to get you off.But on behalf of us men, I'd like to thank you for your patience, your effort, your gag control, and your willingness to please us at every turn. Honey, I'll see you in the closet.
BREATHING: In the early half of cunnilingus, breathing is relatively easy. The tongue is not involved in such strenuous activity that he can't inhale, and exhaling is almost always easy. It even helps to heat up the girl. However, as she gets closer to orgasm the task of taking air is more difficult. Women do not want a change in pace, much like men, as they get close, so the man has to take a gulp and hold it as long as possible. Breathing gets a score of 6.
MANDIBULAR MANEUVERING: Men know how hard it is to give a blowjob. We know this because women are always complaining about it. But women are typically less aware of the physical demands of eating a girl out. And the strange part is that most of the difficulty comes from the involuntary writhing of the woman. But regardless, the man must rise up to match her hip bucks, constantly have th etongue fully extended and wiggle it the way she likes it, adjust his head position to match her twisting, and take the vice-like grip of her thighs. If a woman spends too much time in the "almost there" level, the jaw can lock up entirely and his neck can suffer a strain similar to being rear-ended. But with respect to what women go through for us I give this difficulty an 8.
INTERMISSIONS: As with breathing, a man can move around the general area some to tease and arouse in the beginning. But once the time to stop playing comes, and most women aren't shy about letting you know when that is, the man must focus all attention on her clit for the duration of the act. Some women like penetration, others don't. But all will lose the feeling if the clit does not receive constant stimulation. And changing over to rubbing her clit with his fingers isn't even close to the same thing. Intermission difficulty gets an 8 as well.
REPUGNANCE: Most men know that once they're done going down on a girl they'll get to fuck her. With an incentive like that, I don't know many men who will refuse to eat out a girl, even if things aren't so fresh down there. And if you ever tell a woman she smells like anything but fresh cut roses, she'll be letting you mount her for purposes of reproduction only from then on. However, most women will agree that there are some fucking tore up looking vaginas out there. And when they smell, they reek like a corpse on midsummer's eve. Vaginal secretions never really bother any guys I know, so that's not an issue. So with the average vagina with the average scent and the average juice, the gross-out factor goes to 5.
TOTAL SCORE FOR FELLATIO - 30/50
Well, ladies, it looks like you take the crown this time, but only by a very slim margin. Still a victory is a victory. I hope that you have some better understanding and appreciation for what we go through to get you off.But on behalf of us men, I'd like to thank you for your patience, your effort, your gag control, and your willingness to please us at every turn. Honey, I'll see you in the closet.
Comments:
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I can imagine that the narrow - minded would get agitated reading this but I must admit I had a good laugh. Thanks, man, for dissecting the men's work. The female one I know believe me. And thanks for giving us the credits.
# posted by 
: 2:11 PM
: 2:11 PM
That is one un-sexy analysis. I think I've lost the desire for oral (either giving or receiving). I just keep thinking of the "repugnance" factor. Eek.
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