Just Off Center

While visiting my home state of Indiana on business last week I was given the opportunity to spend some time with my little sister and my mother. Pam and her boyfriend, Ryan are just great people. They were just unpacking form a move the day before and were obviously tired and cranky. I tried to relax and have a good time, but I just couldn't sit around and not be of any use. She's my baby sister. I had to help. So I started unloading boxes for them in the kitchen and dining room. Pam made dinner, which was just what I needed. After a week eating restaurant and cafeteria food, I welcomed some good home cooking. I suggested that Ryan start unloading something fun, like the cd's and dvd's. That got them a little bit more excited to pick up the ball again. We talked, drank, worked, smoked, and chilled. It was truly some of the best hours I'd had all year.

The next morning I left to go see my mother two hours away. She was waiting for me and we quickly left her house to go visit my grandmother, who is on the mend from some medical procedure she'd had done. Mom seemed particularly eager to have me see my grandma, which is by itself a bit scary. I know that I may never see any of my family again, so I enjoy the time we have. But when mom starts insisting that we go straight to the visiting, things can't be good. I'll update as necessary.

While hanging out with mom and grandma, who actually looked very good, I was hit with a bomb of a comment. My grandmother pointed out an end table next to my chair that had photographs of all of her great grandchildren on it. I only recognized my three nieces though there were about six more than that. My mom claimed victory for having contributed three great grandchildren to my grandma, which is one more than any of her other siblings. Then she turned to me and commented that Brian (my brother) had only had girls and that she was going to count on me to provide the boys. Now at first I knew that she was joking. I had made my thoughts on this subject very clear over the past few years. Nina and I do not want any children, nor do plan on ever wanting any. In fact, should she get pregnant today, I am about 50/50 on keeping the baby. After six years of marriage, Nina feels the same way.

But mom was serious. She was sitting in front of my grandma, who was looking at me in support of my mom's opinion. This was the first direct pressure that my mother had put onto me regarding our reproduction. I told her that it wasn't going to happen, that it's just going to be a table for two this life around. She backed off slowly but confidently. I doubt this is going to be the last time that I get this kind of question from her. I didn't really have the heart or nerve to tell her that I couldn't think of any reason in hell why Nina hadn't ever gotten pregnant before. We were having sex for almost three years without any protection before we got married and she went on the pill. If she was going to get knocked up, why didn't it happen then? Granted I'm damn good at pulling out, but nobody bats a thousand forever. Maybe one of us is infertile. Maybe Nina's womb can't support a fetus. Maybe neither of us give a shit and we're glad it's so difficult to conceive.