Just Off Center

While I was at lunch today I was listening to the gaggle of women who go to school at the Aesthetics Institute across the street, as I always do. I’m not sure why I listen to these mundane and repetitive conversations they have. I just love watching women interact with each other. It’s the constant eye contact, the exaggerated facial responses, the way they mimic each other’s expressions, and how they seem to never actually listen to each other and just wait for their turn to talk. Anyway, today there were a couple of the prettier girls sitting at one of the round tables silently competing over who could eat their sandwich the slowest and throw the most away. They were on the topic of some other girl in the class, a never-ending conversation for any mix of these girls.

Apparently, one of the other girls had just moved in with a boy she’d met a few months prior and had just received a hang-up phone call that she suspected is her new boyfriend’s lover. Is it lover or mistress? Anyway, it was the man’s apartment she moved into so even if it was a girl calling for him, it couldn’t be that unexpected. I mean you can’t expect a guy to contact every ex he’s ever had and tell them he’s taken a new girlfriend, right? Wrong! Who’da thunk it? The blonde girl at the table was aghast that she didn’t confront the man and dump him right there and then. Big talk I say. Put her in those shoes and see what happens. Then I lost interest and left.

So this got me to thinking: if these girls saw this as some kind of betrayal worthy of dumping him, is there any difference at all between one infidelity and another? Does any kind of infidelity warrant the abandonment of all promises? I’m going to need some input on this one. Here are a few scenarios.

SCENARIO 1 – Bill and Ted are outside the Circle S on a Saturday night. Their wives are at home tending to the babies. Since Bill and Ted are both big stars now they have put on disguises and are enjoying one of their first “boys’ nights out” in months. As they are sitting there, stone drunk and high reminiscing about the origins of Wyld Stallionz a pretty hooker in red pleather struts up and asks them if they want a date. Ted, now too drunk to hide his latent homosexuality, ralphs on the curb. But Bill, who’s sex life has dwindled down to a monthly run-through decides that a quick blowjob behind the Circle S might just make things better between him and his princess. He takes her up on the offer, tosses her a fifty and gets five minutes of cheap, no thrills head against the stone wall. Afterward, they both pack up their stuff and head back to their respective domiciles in the Hills. Neither mentions the evening to the princesses and Bill, who was able to see the straying as a minor infraction but not worthy of repeating, remains faithful from then on.

SCENARIO 2 – After taking a nasty spill during a morning trot, Cotton Candy is brought back to her feet by her good friend Butterscotch. After helping her walk off the pain, the two spend the afternoon gallivanting around the enchanted forest discussing their relationships with their current mates. Cotton Candy, who has been mated to Blossom for years begins bemoaning how her lover isn’t as kind and sweet as she used to be, and was never as kind to her as Butterscotch. After a pained look crosses Butterscotch’s face, Cotton Candy realizes that Butterscotch is actually desperately in love with her. Never before has Cotton Candy considered this since Butterscotch has always seemed outwardly pleased with her mate, Blue Belle. After a few hours of intense dialogue they both realize that they are both in love with each other. But knowing the potential damage they would wreak upon the Pony Palace and knowing that snoopy little Snuzzle and big-mouthed Minty would find out and gossip they decide to just secretly be love with each other. They share a quick and heartfelt head nuzzling and tearfully run away, vowing never to reveal their love to the world.

SCENARIO 3 – Ever since their brief stints on Kids Incorporated, Ryan and Stacy have been a hot item. It was the consummate romance. After high school they each enjoyed success on the stage giving them money and fame. They married at 20, having saved themselves for their wedding night. And now after twelve years of marriage they still burn hot and steady with romance and passion. Except that Stacy has a secret passion that Ryan has never filled. Every eighteen months, under the guise of a traveling show Stacy spends three days and four nights in the arms of her long-time lover, Martika. The relationship is purely physical and there is no talk of any relational progress between them. They just spend a long weekend in bed taking turns with the strap-on. And afterward, Martika goes back to her ranch in Canada and Stacy comes home in adoration of the man who has given her the very definition of love.

I could go on and on with more scenarios of different variations on this theme. They are all so very different. But are any of them worse than any other? Can we say that Bill is a scoundrel without condemning Stacy for her tryst? Is it possible that from this day on, Cotton Candy and Butterscotch will be the most unfaithful of them all, without ever laying a wanton hoof outside of the bounds of lifematedom? Can we blame Ted for not talking Bill out of it? Or do we just call them all cheaters and hope they are ravaged by wild boar? Your input is appreciated.

# posted by Mike @ 1:35 PM