Friday, February 25, 2005
i once...
• Drove 120 miles for some egg rolls just to find that the restaurant didn’t open for two more hours.
• Told a girl that I was the sole heir to the Kessler Whiskey distillery to impress her
• Intentionally called a girl by the wrong name while having sex with her
• Puked on a white shag carpet at a party when everyone had passed out and blamed it on a friend
• Told a girl that I created Rusty Nails by NIN to impress her
• Ate an entire bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken
• Stole ten dollars out of my mother’s wallet
• Took a drunken drive in a friend’s truck without asking his permission to go get cigarettes
• Accidentally came in my own mouth (it was a long shot – bah dum bum)
• Sliced my finger open playing with knives
• Got so stoned I saw my feet turn into fish
• Stole the loose change from a church collection box (bad company)
• Pretended to be deaf to a girl to solicit a sympathy fuck
• Sold my plasma for two months to afford a Christmas present
• Lied about my drug history to get into the Air Force
• Performed with Mel Torme and the Cincinnati Pops Orchestra
• Skipped out on a $50 bar tab
• Filled my tank with gas and drove off without paying
• Told a faghag that I was gay but wanted to try a woman before making my final decision
• Drank an entire bottle of Goldschlager
• Paid $2,500 for a car that stalled on the way home
• Recorded a CD with a musical ensemble and was nominated for a Grammy
• Told a guy that I had been shot in battle in Kuwait (I was 14 in 1990)
• Cheated my way from a ‘D’ to a ‘B’ and was lauded by my teacher for my great efforts
• Told a girl that I had never been able to come from a blowjob to get a blowjob (it worked)
• Passed out at a perverted gay man’s house and was likely molested in my sleep
• Got into a car accident without wearing a seatbelt
• Cantered the funeral of an archbishop
• Sold leftover fried chicken from my employer to classmates the next day for a year
• Told a girl that I was Mikey from the Life Cereal commercials
• Wore combat boots, a black trench coat, and a black beret for a year
• Applied to St. Meinrad monastery to become a Catholic priest
• Submitted myself to experimental drug testing and turned yellow
• Faked it
• Recited opera lyrics to a girl who got turned on by Italian men
• Made my wife laugh at me during sex by calling her a slut
• Made out with a boy in sixth grade
• Got punched by an old woman for trying to sing a Christmas Carol to her
• Ran a car off the road (just off the road, no damage or injuries)
• Told a girl with daddy issues that I had shot my father
• Dated two old high school crushes in college who ended up dating each other
• Planned a robbery just to see if I could
• Abandoned my best friend in a convenience store when we got caught shoplifting
• Talked a friend out of suicide
• Tried to learn how to breakdance
• Told a girl that I was the drummer in the band that was just on stage to impress her
• Told a girl that I was the sole heir to the Kessler Whiskey distillery to impress her
• Intentionally called a girl by the wrong name while having sex with her
• Puked on a white shag carpet at a party when everyone had passed out and blamed it on a friend
• Told a girl that I created Rusty Nails by NIN to impress her
• Ate an entire bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken
• Stole ten dollars out of my mother’s wallet
• Took a drunken drive in a friend’s truck without asking his permission to go get cigarettes
• Accidentally came in my own mouth (it was a long shot – bah dum bum)
• Sliced my finger open playing with knives
• Got so stoned I saw my feet turn into fish
• Stole the loose change from a church collection box (bad company)
• Pretended to be deaf to a girl to solicit a sympathy fuck
• Sold my plasma for two months to afford a Christmas present
• Lied about my drug history to get into the Air Force
• Performed with Mel Torme and the Cincinnati Pops Orchestra
• Skipped out on a $50 bar tab
• Filled my tank with gas and drove off without paying
• Told a faghag that I was gay but wanted to try a woman before making my final decision
• Drank an entire bottle of Goldschlager
• Paid $2,500 for a car that stalled on the way home
• Recorded a CD with a musical ensemble and was nominated for a Grammy
• Told a guy that I had been shot in battle in Kuwait (I was 14 in 1990)
• Cheated my way from a ‘D’ to a ‘B’ and was lauded by my teacher for my great efforts
• Told a girl that I had never been able to come from a blowjob to get a blowjob (it worked)
• Passed out at a perverted gay man’s house and was likely molested in my sleep
• Got into a car accident without wearing a seatbelt
• Cantered the funeral of an archbishop
• Sold leftover fried chicken from my employer to classmates the next day for a year
• Told a girl that I was Mikey from the Life Cereal commercials
• Wore combat boots, a black trench coat, and a black beret for a year
• Applied to St. Meinrad monastery to become a Catholic priest
• Submitted myself to experimental drug testing and turned yellow
• Faked it
• Recited opera lyrics to a girl who got turned on by Italian men
• Made my wife laugh at me during sex by calling her a slut
• Made out with a boy in sixth grade
• Got punched by an old woman for trying to sing a Christmas Carol to her
• Ran a car off the road (just off the road, no damage or injuries)
• Told a girl with daddy issues that I had shot my father
• Dated two old high school crushes in college who ended up dating each other
• Planned a robbery just to see if I could
• Abandoned my best friend in a convenience store when we got caught shoplifting
• Talked a friend out of suicide
• Tried to learn how to breakdance
• Told a girl that I was the drummer in the band that was just on stage to impress her
Comments:
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2 posts in one day??? my god, we're so blessed! :P
so, this is your way of doing your very own quiz, eh? :P
you are such a freakin' liar! ahhh, the things people will do to get some tail... :P
so, this is your way of doing your very own quiz, eh? :P
you are such a freakin' liar! ahhh, the things people will do to get some tail... :P
yeah this is like a quiz. i'm going to have to do one of these eventually.
if my name were mike, i'd claim to be the kid from the cereal commercial too.
if my name were mike, i'd claim to be the kid from the cereal commercial too.
you know what i forgot to ask you?
did all your little lines work? i mean, did you get pussy for saying that shit???
did all your little lines work? i mean, did you get pussy for saying that shit???
I once interned in the White House.
I once wore Victoria's Secret PJs as an outfit to an expensive restaurant. (They looked like an outfit, I swear!)
This is fun!
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I once wore Victoria's Secret PJs as an outfit to an expensive restaurant. (They looked like an outfit, I swear!)
This is fun!
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