Just Off Center

Nina: Can I ask you a question?
Mike: You just did.
Nina: Do you ever look at other women and just think “damn”?
Mike: What do you mean? Like do I want to fuck other women?
Nina: No, like just looking at them makes you like “heeeey!”
Mike: Nina, we’ve had this conversation before. I’m married, but I’m not blind. Of course I can appreciate a good looking woman. That doesn’t mean I’m going to flirt with her or anything. Why do you ask?
Nina: Well I don’t want you to get upset, but…

Very recently Nina admitted to me that she was feeling some involuntary physical attraction to a man who works at a bagel shop she frequents. She explained it to me as a sensation that she can’t control. It’s purely physical and she can’t help but think about him in a sexual manner. Like most things about her that she feels guilty about, she sought solace in my possessing the same character flaw.

This was the first time Nina had felt like this. Now, I’m no stranger to getting inside women’s heads. Most of my best friends have either been girls, or more effeminate guys. I know that women think about sex…a lot. Almost as much as they think about food. But Nina seems to be quite a different animal. She only thinks about sex with me. She doesn’t think about especially kinky sex, like bondage, S&M, threeways, or D&S. She was very concerned that these feelings of hers were abnormal or that she was a bad wife for having them.

After a few minutes discussing this Sam came back into the room. Since I was about to leave anyway I asked her to step outside with me. I wanted to know about this “strapping young lad”. She was sparse with the details. And I didn’t really want to know who it was. I just wanted to know what it made her feel like doing. Did she imagine having sex with him? Did she get wet around him? That sort of thing concerns me more than the man she’s looking at. I mean, she once got upset because I got a partial while looking at pornos at the adult store with her. At any rate, I explained to her that what she was feeling was normal. The fact that she had never had this experience before was, to my way of thinking, the abnormal part. She asked if I felt that way. I admitted that I do. I encouraged her to accept those feelings as normal. “Hell, bring it home to me” I said (the lust, not the guy). My only request is that she at least talks to me before getting busy with someone else. She’s my wife and I’m not about to give my permission to let some other guy nail her. But if she’s having the thoughts, I want to know about it. It’s a moot point though, because she’s not. She’s just enjoying some eye candy.

Then over the course of the next day she, no doubt driven by guilt, she kept filling me in with little facts about her little mental fuck buddy, like where he works, how tall he is, etc… I told her I don’t want to know about him. When I asked her if she wanted me to give her a detailed overview of the chicks that I see who turn me on, she stopped hinting about him to me.

I can’t deny that I had to take a few minutes to process the thought of Nina imagining taking some other guy’s dick in her. But every time I started to get freaked out and offended I immediately ran into the wall of “How many hot asses have your eyes followed down the way?” Why should it be at all less acceptable for Nina to eye-hump some piece of strutting butt cake than for me to do the same? The answer of course is that it isn’t. In fact, this might just be a good impetus for her to get horny more often. This bagel boy might just be helping me get laid more often.

So then I started to think about whether or not Nina is actually the normal one, and I’m just a freaky hornball. Everyone knows how much I love my wife. And unfortunately, my insistence on telling the honest truth in this blog has made it so that many of you are all too familiar with the details of our sex life. After reading so many other women’s blogs I can’t help but think that most women have their fantasies about hot guys all the time, even if they are in a relationship. But does that make it ok for me be imagining sexual scenarios with hot chicks? I mean, I would never act on them, and I feel that they are as involuntary as Nina’s. But I can’t help but wonder.

One of the things that I’ve long maintained is that if women really truly knew what went through the average man’s head, they’d all consider lesbianism…or at least asexuality. You want to know the one thing better than watching a perfect ass or a well-shaped rack walking down the mall corridor? Try watching the reactions that men have when she passes by. Single, married, young, old, it doesn’t matter. It’s like watching a pride of lions when a sick gazelle limps by. Sure women know that they’re being looked at (I believe they’re counting on it), or at least they’re aware that men are looking at the hot women. But what about what they’re actually thinking? Women are always sizing each other up. We don’t do that. So what’s going through our heads? Images. Scenarios. Flashes of what it would be like to fuck her (you).

When Nina was going for her morning walks she would be passed by a kluge of cars heading out to their morning commute. Most would no doubt be driven by professional-aged men. I tried explaining to her that it’s not just the perfect pieces of ass that are being lusted for. I would bet anything that while she’s power walking down Johnson Ranch Blvd. there are no fewer than a dozen men passing her and instantly imagining her with two handfuls of privacy wall getting nailed from behind by the driver. She just couldn’t accept that yes, she is receiving that kind of attention. Then she couldn’t decide if she was offended or flattered. But then she asked me, “do you ever imagine that?”

“Ummm...ummm…fuck. Yes, Nina. But it’s a total jerk reaction. It’s this Neanderthal impulse that just happens without thinking.” Now I can begin to understand how this explanation doesn’t exactly help a person’s ego.

Well maybe she can start to understand that now that she’s getting hot over this sexy little bagel boy. Sure, she’s looking, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to start provocatively licking her lips when she’s eating her bagel in front of him. She doesn’t want to fuck him. She just…well…wants to imagine fucking him.

Of course now I’m searching the web to find out how I can get my hands on an Einstein Bros. Bagels’ uniform. No, there is no low to which I will not stoop.