Friday, November 05, 2004
Cutters
Somehow, when Nina and I were flipping channels the other day looking for something that didn't suck ass, we came upon the opening monologue on Dr. Phil. I don't know how we managed to let this asshole on my television for more than three seconds. She was probably picking something up and I was looking at her ass. Anyway, in his signature Oklahoma drawl he started talking about the evening's big topic: cutters. Tonight he would be saving young girls who cut their bodies deliberately and habitually. I've known that young girls can turn into cutters because of their inability or unwillingness to express their anger outward and everything for a while. Being a girl who associated with any and all, Nina knew a few in her girlhood.
I had actually never known anyone who cuts. Nina says it's a surprisingly common practice. I first saw it in the movie Thirteen, which is the best "don't ever reproduce" movie I've seen in a long time. So apparently when some girls get angry or upset about something, but don't have the ability to express it outwardly they choose to take a sharp instrument (knife, scissors, razor, pin) and cut their own flesh. And from what I'm told, doing so provides the cutter with an instant release and puts them at calm once again. I imagine it's kind of like the feeling a guy gets when he loses his temper and puts his fist through a wall.
At first I thought of this as a bunch of bullshit, female, angst driven, attention seeking crap. And perhaps it is just that. And if a girl told me she was a cutter I'd probably ask, "what the fuck is wrong with you? Grow up!" But I guess we can't so easily just cast aside the practice of self mutilation. I know that there are some deep issues that have to be going on for a girl to come up with the idea that slicing her arms or legs up is better than just letting it out. Is being a girl really so restricting that you can't even scream, punch or release your anger any other way besides tearing your own flesh? I know that you have more restrictions than boys, but can't a great deal of this be placed on the emotional nature of women instead of the oppressive social structure (that is, by the way, perpetuated by women as much as men)?
Once I told Nina that cutting doesn't concern me at all she told me that it should because I know one. Apparently a mutual friend of ours was a cutter, maybe still is. You can just imagine the soap opera like scene:
ME - You know what? I don't really care about cutters. It doesn't concern me.
NINA - Well you should.......you know one!
*Cue dramatic three-tone chord*
*Fade to commercial*
Let me just say that I'm all for people with emotional problems seeking out ways to resolve them themselves. Obviously self mutilation may not be the best way to handle the situation, but at least it's not bottling up all your emotions so that they can build up to a future breakdown or suicide. And if someone needs some psychological treatment for their problems then I support going to find it. But this friend of ours is a grown woman. And not just a grown woman but a grown, bleeding heart, "laws off my body" liberal woman. As such, if she wants to slice herself up as a way of dealing with her own issues, then I wish her success in this venture. Slice your face off and mail it to your parents in two parts if it makes you happy. I would hope that she doesn't but we can't go around all the time begging people not to hurt themselves all their life.
It occurs to me that cutting must be a predominantly female problem. I'm sure there are boys and men out there who do this, but it seems that they are behaving in a very female way. When a boy is mad at his mother, but can't get that anger out at her he's far more likely to start beating up on other kids then himself. Boys break things, throw tantrums, have raging tirades, and such. Whatever it is, it's usually outward directed. With girls, the usual revenge is to inflict some harm on herself. Such is the case with girls who become sluts, alcoholics or academic failures to get even with their mommies and daddies. And so I think it is with cutting. Also, it's a secret, having that wound under her sleeve. "If you only knew" is a form of empowerment for a lot of girls.
I guess the point of this post is that I recognize cutting as a way of dealing with uncontrollable emotion. I understand that it would probably be a very effective way of temporarily patching oneself when a meltdown is about to occur. And for children, I believe that it should be dealt with immediately, openly and without shaming or isolating the cutter. Kids with problems seek other kids with problems. They usually grow out of it, but it helps to know you're not alone. If you're worried that you might know a cutter, check the groups they associate with, not just at school, but online. You'd be surprised how many Internet groups there are dedicated to cutters. But once you've grown up and decided to move out and take care of yourself, I say you're on your own. If you have chosen to accept cutting as a way of life for yourself after declaring independence, have at it. I hope you get well and find a better way, but don't let me get in your way.
I can't believe I've dedicated this much time to a Dr. Phil topic. I need a knife.
|
I had actually never known anyone who cuts. Nina says it's a surprisingly common practice. I first saw it in the movie Thirteen, which is the best "don't ever reproduce" movie I've seen in a long time. So apparently when some girls get angry or upset about something, but don't have the ability to express it outwardly they choose to take a sharp instrument (knife, scissors, razor, pin) and cut their own flesh. And from what I'm told, doing so provides the cutter with an instant release and puts them at calm once again. I imagine it's kind of like the feeling a guy gets when he loses his temper and puts his fist through a wall.
At first I thought of this as a bunch of bullshit, female, angst driven, attention seeking crap. And perhaps it is just that. And if a girl told me she was a cutter I'd probably ask, "what the fuck is wrong with you? Grow up!" But I guess we can't so easily just cast aside the practice of self mutilation. I know that there are some deep issues that have to be going on for a girl to come up with the idea that slicing her arms or legs up is better than just letting it out. Is being a girl really so restricting that you can't even scream, punch or release your anger any other way besides tearing your own flesh? I know that you have more restrictions than boys, but can't a great deal of this be placed on the emotional nature of women instead of the oppressive social structure (that is, by the way, perpetuated by women as much as men)?
Once I told Nina that cutting doesn't concern me at all she told me that it should because I know one. Apparently a mutual friend of ours was a cutter, maybe still is. You can just imagine the soap opera like scene:
ME - You know what? I don't really care about cutters. It doesn't concern me.
NINA - Well you should.......you know one!
*Cue dramatic three-tone chord*
*Fade to commercial*
Let me just say that I'm all for people with emotional problems seeking out ways to resolve them themselves. Obviously self mutilation may not be the best way to handle the situation, but at least it's not bottling up all your emotions so that they can build up to a future breakdown or suicide. And if someone needs some psychological treatment for their problems then I support going to find it. But this friend of ours is a grown woman. And not just a grown woman but a grown, bleeding heart, "laws off my body" liberal woman. As such, if she wants to slice herself up as a way of dealing with her own issues, then I wish her success in this venture. Slice your face off and mail it to your parents in two parts if it makes you happy. I would hope that she doesn't but we can't go around all the time begging people not to hurt themselves all their life.
It occurs to me that cutting must be a predominantly female problem. I'm sure there are boys and men out there who do this, but it seems that they are behaving in a very female way. When a boy is mad at his mother, but can't get that anger out at her he's far more likely to start beating up on other kids then himself. Boys break things, throw tantrums, have raging tirades, and such. Whatever it is, it's usually outward directed. With girls, the usual revenge is to inflict some harm on herself. Such is the case with girls who become sluts, alcoholics or academic failures to get even with their mommies and daddies. And so I think it is with cutting. Also, it's a secret, having that wound under her sleeve. "If you only knew" is a form of empowerment for a lot of girls.
I guess the point of this post is that I recognize cutting as a way of dealing with uncontrollable emotion. I understand that it would probably be a very effective way of temporarily patching oneself when a meltdown is about to occur. And for children, I believe that it should be dealt with immediately, openly and without shaming or isolating the cutter. Kids with problems seek other kids with problems. They usually grow out of it, but it helps to know you're not alone. If you're worried that you might know a cutter, check the groups they associate with, not just at school, but online. You'd be surprised how many Internet groups there are dedicated to cutters. But once you've grown up and decided to move out and take care of yourself, I say you're on your own. If you have chosen to accept cutting as a way of life for yourself after declaring independence, have at it. I hope you get well and find a better way, but don't let me get in your way.
I can't believe I've dedicated this much time to a Dr. Phil topic. I need a knife.
|
Read my Dreambook guestbook! Sign my Dreambook! |
|