Just Off Center

Thanks to Amanda, I have finally managed to figure out what is wrong with me. You see, Nina and I were just happily blog surfing and talking about how everyone is beneath us because we are so inherently superior to everyone else. And suddenly, there was a link to this fantastic personality questionnaire. I just couldn't resist the opportunity to diagnose Nina as being a schizoid or some other kind of social deviant.

Twenty minutes later Nina had answer all of the yes or no questions and the results were being tallied. What a fucking rip off. The results came back that Nina was absolutely normal. I don't mean normal like "wanting to try out lesbianism for a semester or two" normal. I'm talking absolutely, totally, completely, not a fucking thing weird about her head normal. How can this be? I know damn well that my results aren't coming back so plain. There's no way that I'd find her the least bit attractive if I didn't think that there was even a slight chance I'd come home to find her with an aluminum foil hat, telling me that the AOL satellite is trying to rob her of her memories of cheese.

This test must be bunk. You know that Looney Tunes cartoon where Yosemite Sam straps some TNT to a certain key on a piano and has Bugs play The Entertainer or some shit like that? The whole idea is that once bugs hits that key, he's going to blow up into a million pieces. Dead bunny. Funny shit. Unfortunately, Bugs just won't play the song right. Every time he's supposed to hit the death key he goes off the music and plays just flat of the ivory hellbutton. In his frustration, Sam jumps in to show him how it's done. He plays it correctly and the TNT blows him up. Ironic, but still funny shit.

Well this is how I felt in my efforts to prove this test bunk. Imagine my surprise when I took the same exhaustive test as she did and it turned out that my results shows that I'm all fucked up. According to these fuckwads I have a great possibility of being a narcissist. A narcissist? Who the fuck do these maggots think they are? I'm one humble motherfucker, god damnit! OK, maybe I do crave a small amount of attention. And perhaps I've been known to hold my opinions above some of the brain doners I work with. But by and large I'm just a regular guy. Tell me otherwise and I'll cut your fucking heart out!

For the record, here are my results:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Very High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Ain't this about a bitch? And they're trying to tell me that Nina earned a rating of "low" across the board? HA! I say HA to this test. In what world do I, Mike, have an issue with paranoia or schizophrenia? And antisocial? I've been to a bunch of parties. They just didn't understand my viewpoints. I'd like to see all of those asshats take this test. It'd come out the same for them all: YOU ARE FUCKING INFERIOR! DIE! DIE! DIE YOU FUCKING MAGGOTS DIE!!!! Narcissistic my ass.