Monday, September 27, 2004
Draw your own conclusions
I realize that the past couple posts have all been sex-related. Don't worry. I'm still routinely pissed off and curious about the goings on of the world outside of the bedroom (or living room, under the kitchen table, in the dog house, etc.) and will write about those things as they occur to me. But I just had to take some time out of my day to write again about the differences between the sexes with regards to sex and communication. I don't want to try and plant any thoughts or notions in any heads, so I'll just let the content speak for itself. Here are two monologues about sex recounted and paraphrased to the best of my ability.
Girl Talking To Girlfriend
"So we went out to dinner at Dos Gringos. It was soooo good! I had two tacos and a couple drinks. He had this really big burrito, I mean like huge, like (motioning to forearm) the size of this part of your arm big. And we talked about work and stuff. I told him about (previous boyfriend, otherwise known as "asshole") John and all that, but not like too much you know. I didn't want to get all into that and you know how I am when I get started talking about that. And he just sat there listening, but I could tell I was boring him. He didn't seem to mind though."
"So we had a really good time at the restaurant and then he took me to this club. It was ok, but it was really loud so we couldn't really talk like we were before. But that's ok cause I was starting to feel a little buzz, y'know? Then he asks me to dance, and I'm like "ooohhh God" But I didn't want to like, you know what I mean? So we danced a little bit. Oh my God, I am such a bad dancer. I mean it was ok I think because he was dancing too and he wasn't like laughing at me or anything, but he's way better than I am. I kept bumping into him and I think he was thinking like "oh, this chick's grinding me, cool" but I was really just screwing up. I totally have no rhythm. I mean, when was the last time I told you I went dancing?"
"So afterward we went back to the bar and tried to talk again. The light that was coming off of the shiny thingy that was hanging over the bar kept shining on him, y'know? And his eyes are just soooooo beautiful. They're blue and when he smiles you can just see them like open up reeeally wide. But then he leaned over to kiss me, and that was it. I swear to God, I really didn't plan on it, but I was feeling all buzzy and everything, plus I haven't had sex in like forever, so we went back to my apartment."
"And after y'know we were lying there and he got up get me a glass of water. I thought that was so sweet. You know John never did that. He'd always just be like "thanks, hon" and then fall asleep. So he brought me some water and then he was all "I'd better get going". I really wanted him to stay, but I wasn't going to be all clingy. I was feeling like such a slut for sleeping with him on the first date anyway. He probably thinks I am a slut. I hope not. Do you think he'll call? He told me he'd call. Maybe I should call him. Or should I wait? How long are you supposed to wait before calling a guy after you've had sex with him. I don't wanna be like some scary psycho bitch like John's ex."
"So we had a really good time at the restaurant and then he took me to this club. It was ok, but it was really loud so we couldn't really talk like we were before. But that's ok cause I was starting to feel a little buzz, y'know? Then he asks me to dance, and I'm like "ooohhh God" But I didn't want to like, you know what I mean? So we danced a little bit. Oh my God, I am such a bad dancer. I mean it was ok I think because he was dancing too and he wasn't like laughing at me or anything, but he's way better than I am. I kept bumping into him and I think he was thinking like "oh, this chick's grinding me, cool" but I was really just screwing up. I totally have no rhythm. I mean, when was the last time I told you I went dancing?"
"So afterward we went back to the bar and tried to talk again. The light that was coming off of the shiny thingy that was hanging over the bar kept shining on him, y'know? And his eyes are just soooooo beautiful. They're blue and when he smiles you can just see them like open up reeeally wide. But then he leaned over to kiss me, and that was it. I swear to God, I really didn't plan on it, but I was feeling all buzzy and everything, plus I haven't had sex in like forever, so we went back to my apartment."
"And after y'know we were lying there and he got up get me a glass of water. I thought that was so sweet. You know John never did that. He'd always just be like "thanks, hon" and then fall asleep. So he brought me some water and then he was all "I'd better get going". I really wanted him to stay, but I wasn't going to be all clingy. I was feeling like such a slut for sleeping with him on the first date anyway. He probably thinks I am a slut. I hope not. Do you think he'll call? He told me he'd call. Maybe I should call him. Or should I wait? How long are you supposed to wait before calling a guy after you've had sex with him. I don't wanna be like some scary psycho bitch like John's ex."
Guy Talking to Guyfriend
"So I met her at Dos Gringos for happy hour and dinner. Dude they have this awesome fucking burrito there. You've got to try. It's called like carnitas or some shit. I had that and a few drinks. And she just had like a taco or a quesadilla or something. Anyway, we had a few drinks but we were both still pretty sober, so instead of taking her for the walk around the lake, I took her to a nearby club. Dude, either this chick is a lightweight or she can't dance for shit. She kept fucking up and bumping into me. So I was grabbing on to her waist and rubbing up against her. And at first she was kinda shy, but then after a couple songs she started rubbing back, so I'm like "yeah, time to hit the bar!"
"We went back to the bar and got a couple more drinks. She kept ordering all these mixed drinks at like $5 a pop. So I just had a couple more beers. Then I saw that she was looking at me like "make a move" so I gave her a kiss. And she just got freaky on me. She was French kissing and touching me, so I'm thinking it's time to leave. I suggested we go back to her house to watch a movie. So I followed her there and she goes to the bathroom so I go get a beer from the fridge. Dude, chicks always have the shittiest beer. But there was a Bud in the back that had to be there from when some other guy had been there, so I grabbed that. "
"So she comes out of the bathroom and sits down next to me and I can just tell, you know? So I take another drink and put the beer down and start making out with her. After like a minute she gets down on her knees in front of me and pulls my dick out. At first she was just like kissing on it and shit. So I kinda pushed her head down on it. And, dude, let me tell you that shit just disappeared. Dis-ap-peared. I don't know where she learned it, but this girl had some skills. I couldn't believe it. And she's making all those moaning and slurping noises. So I'm holding on to her head and this bitch is just fucking swallowing it whole. Oh, and she swallows too so that's a plus. "
"So I was just gonna go then, but I just knew I could hit it and I wasn't too drunk to fuck. So I told her we should go into the bedroom. We go in there and she's all over me before I can even get my pants off. This chick is either drunk as hell or just a fucking slut. I figured since I've got nothing to lose I'd just start tearing it up. So I put on a coat and I'm on top of her, and I've got her knees like up against her head and I'm just like (making super-thrusty motion) UH! UH! UH! UH! Then I told her to turn over and I hit it from the back for a while. So after another minute or two I pulled out and busted a nut on her ass. Then I got up and told her I had to go."
"I never did give her my home number. I might call her in a couple weeks depending on how my dates this week go. I mean, she's nice and all and she'd be good for a booty call, but it's not like I'm gonna marry a chick like that. But dude, what a fucking blowjob. I'm gonna have to remember that."
"We went back to the bar and got a couple more drinks. She kept ordering all these mixed drinks at like $5 a pop. So I just had a couple more beers. Then I saw that she was looking at me like "make a move" so I gave her a kiss. And she just got freaky on me. She was French kissing and touching me, so I'm thinking it's time to leave. I suggested we go back to her house to watch a movie. So I followed her there and she goes to the bathroom so I go get a beer from the fridge. Dude, chicks always have the shittiest beer. But there was a Bud in the back that had to be there from when some other guy had been there, so I grabbed that. "
"So she comes out of the bathroom and sits down next to me and I can just tell, you know? So I take another drink and put the beer down and start making out with her. After like a minute she gets down on her knees in front of me and pulls my dick out. At first she was just like kissing on it and shit. So I kinda pushed her head down on it. And, dude, let me tell you that shit just disappeared. Dis-ap-peared. I don't know where she learned it, but this girl had some skills. I couldn't believe it. And she's making all those moaning and slurping noises. So I'm holding on to her head and this bitch is just fucking swallowing it whole. Oh, and she swallows too so that's a plus. "
"So I was just gonna go then, but I just knew I could hit it and I wasn't too drunk to fuck. So I told her we should go into the bedroom. We go in there and she's all over me before I can even get my pants off. This chick is either drunk as hell or just a fucking slut. I figured since I've got nothing to lose I'd just start tearing it up. So I put on a coat and I'm on top of her, and I've got her knees like up against her head and I'm just like (making super-thrusty motion) UH! UH! UH! UH! Then I told her to turn over and I hit it from the back for a while. So after another minute or two I pulled out and busted a nut on her ass. Then I got up and told her I had to go."
"I never did give her my home number. I might call her in a couple weeks depending on how my dates this week go. I mean, she's nice and all and she'd be good for a booty call, but it's not like I'm gonna marry a chick like that. But dude, what a fucking blowjob. I'm gonna have to remember that."
Comments:
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yeah, your read on what the girl's thinking and what the guy's thinking seem fairly accurate. except reverse them. that's what i had to go through. see? see how i suffer? :P
eh, i thought guys didn't talk about the nitty-gritty details with other guys. that's what my boyfriend told me! heh, like i believe that.
now i am curious as to what he initially told his friends about me.
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now i am curious as to what he initially told his friends about me.
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