Just Off Center

I know that I may not seem to be much of a feminist, but I truly believe in gender equality. I believe that women have for far too long had their potentials suppressed and restricted to those tasks that men simply are unwilling to do for themselves. I believe this despite the female gender’s never ending obsession with proving me wrong in that regard. Over the course of the last eight weeks I have heard no fewer than three people say the title statement to me. All three were women. All three were out of shape. The conversation usually goes like this:

BITCH – Wow, you look great! How much weight have you lost?
ME – Just over twenty pounds, thanks for noticing.
BITCH – Really? Cool! What diet are you on?
ME – Ummm…I don’t really prescribe to any diets. I guess if I had to call it anything it’s closest to the Subway diet. I eat there nearly every day. But for the most part I just try to eat healthy and get plenty of exercise.
BITCH – Hmm…yeah, I tried that Atkins/South Beach/Bulimia diet once. It doesn’t work. But then you know boys always lose weight a lot easier than girls.

What the fuck is that? This shit pisses me off to no end. I thought that girls avoided conflict, especially with guys, and most especially with guys like me. Where the fuck do they get off making such a generalization about my results? I’m fucking killing myself out there on those trails hiking and biking. Is it supposed to be easier for me to turn my back to that burrito supreme just because I have a dick? Fuck that! The reason I’m losing weight is because I’m restricting my diet to healthy foods and moderate portions and busting my fucking ass with sweat, muscle aches and suckin’ wind. At this point I usually just try not to get upset, but as soon as that phrase comes out I’m done talking about this topic. And this isn’t the extent of the retarded and unbelievable things that I hear from women. Other top hits include:

“You shouldn’t hike/run/walk. It’s really bad for your knees”

Oh is it? Yeah, I guess that there’s going to be some natural wear and tear associated with using my joints for their intended fucking purpose. But so what? Are you gonna tell me next that I shouldn’t go hiking because of the fucking cancer? Besides, how healthy is it on your knees to be lugging around a 250-pound torso every day? Yeah, that’s what I thought!

“What are you eating every day? Ooooooh…you know you should really try to eat (insert asinine way to stay fat).”

Why is it that every woman I talk to feels like she’s obligated to try to advise me on my diet? Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you know more about proper dieting than I do. In fact I can’t remember the last time I heard a woman put the words “food” and “pyramid” together in the same sentence. But then, what would the FDA or the Surgeon General know about health care and weight management anyway? And even if you do know about these things, why the fuck are you arguing with success? Is this some kind of sabotage? Do you want me to switch up and fail? Are you trying to use me as a guinea pig for that “eat pizza, lose weight” diet you saw a headline for in the Daily Star? Don’t misunderstand, I appreciate input from the knowledgeable. But most of this comes from women who haven’t even tried the eating habits they’re preaching about. And yes, it’s always women who have to chime in. The men around me? Well they don’t even notice, let alone offer me advice.

“Well don’t lose too much weight. I think chubby guys are sexy.”

This one causes me to literally bite my tongue. Yes, literally. I’m biting it, because it’s probably for the best if I don’t say “OF COURSE YOU LIKE THEM FAT! FAT MEN ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO’LL FUCK YOU, YOU ORK-LOOKING YETI!!!” ARGH! I mean this goes beyond ignorance. This is a woman actively encouraging me to withstand the urge to improve my health so that she doesn’t have to feel inadequate. And what the fuck does she even care for? I’m married! I wouldn’t be trying to score any ass off of her anyway. Does she think that her opinion that tubby equals hubby is the standard for all women? The rest of these are just based in ignorance. But this one just unscrews the top of my head and forces steam to shoot out my ears.

There are two things that should be noted at this point. First, Nina doesn’t say any of this shit. These gems come from acquaintances with whom I have casual conversations on occasion. Nina’s been nothing but supportive. Secondly, just because I’m having some measure of success on a diet doesn’t mean that I feel I am all of a sudden superior to those heavier than me. I say that because after rereading this post I can see how what I’ve written could be construed as newly found arrogance. I assure you, I have no qualms with anyone based on their size. Well that’s not entirely true either. I’d probably have some difficulty respecting the opinions of a shut-in. But, apart from that, we’re cool. I just don’t like the juggernaut of unsolicited advice I’ve been getting lately. Besides, if I were going to be prejudiced towards fat people I’d be a certified self-loather. I still have a good thirty pounds to drop before I’m done.

Can someone please explain this to me? I think it’s just a desperate attempt on the part of out of shape women to pass off laziness and gluttony as genetics and fate. Do girls get subjected to this same kind of crap when they’re dropping pounds? Am I overreacting when I get upset? It just seems that all my efforts are being so easily dismissed as biology rather than the result of effort and discipline. I don’t care about praise, and I get nervous when I receive compliments. However, I don’t think it’s too much to ask that if you’re going to recognize a change to not qualify it by insulting the work I’ve put in to get here. Bitches, man…bitches.